Dr 9Tendo's Parenting Slot [Week 1]

Parenting Blog

Welcome to the first edition of my parenting blog!  I know it’s a strenuous life being a parent – I have two cats myself – so I’m here to lend the best advice that you can find from someone with absolutely no qualifications to do so.  Please send any parenting concerns you have to me at this address

Here are some opening gambits from my loyal readers:

Question: My seven year old son has begun to refuse his food. We will make a delicious dinner for him including fish fingers and chips and he just picks at it before distracting us by throwing his voice and then feeding the food to the dog.  We also suspect our dog is gay if you can help with that too.

It’s common for kids to refuse their food at this age due to their changing hormones.  At the age of seven young boys usually start to become obsessed with women and so are more cognisant of their body image.  My advice is not to be concerned if he goes without eating for a while because by the time he is 15 he’ll be drinking beer and eating kebabs two or three nights a week.  Any weight he loses in the preceding years will be made up with interest during his teens.  As for your dog, please consider the book “So Your Dog is Gay?” by Paul Smithers. It won’t answer any questions but there are hilarious pictures of dogs with pink ribbons in their hair.

 

Question: What is the right age to teach my eight year old son about the birds and the bees? 

This is a common question in to Dr 9Tendo’s mailbox.  I think it’s important for kids to understand the fundamentals from a young age.  If you get too close to bees then they will sting you.  Now wasps are more aggressive, true.  But honey bees can still cause a large amount of discomfort for a young child.  My advice is to point out the dangers to a child as soon as they can walk.  This may lead to a more irrational fear of bees in later years but it’s a price worth paying.  Birds are no threat at all unless you happen to be bathing in bird seed.  Just don’t bathe your kid in bird seed.
Question: My 11 year-old daughter drinks a bottle of vodka a week. I want her to cut down as I simply can’t afford it anymore.  How do I break the news to her?
It can be hard to tell a child that things are going to change.  It’s important that they understand it’s not their fault and that it is external factors that have brought about the necessity.  In this case it is financial constraints that will restrict your daughter’s drinking.  A good place to start is to suggest that she drink vodka more sparingly, perhaps suggest a few cans of Dutch Gold during the week instead.  One possible salvation is the success of budget grocery chains like Aldi and Lidl who sell cheaper European vodka at many of their outlets.  Not only is it cheaper but it is also more potent and therefore it will probably last even longer.  

 

Join us soon for more from Dr 9Tendo’s Parenting Slot.  

 

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6 thoughts on “Dr 9Tendo's Parenting Slot [Week 1]

  1. Well, I thank you Dr 9Tendo for imparting advice, gathered from your wealth of experience on parenting issues. Your informed words and knowledge have come a little too late, for this “Mum” whose children have reached the near adult ages of 18 and 16. They have survived being brought up, by this daft and disorganised mum and appear to be fairly well-adjusted, all things considered! 😉

    I too have recently discovered the benefits of budget grocery chains, for their affordable ranges of alcoholic beverages, but not for the teenagers. NO! It’s all about ME, ME, ME these days. You see, that’s what parenting does to you eventually.

  2. Little Kids tell whopping great lies.

    They just make stuff up and then look like butter wouldn’t melt.

    and if you visit a castle or a museum they spend most of the day crying just to let you know what a bad idea you had.

    AND they do that inverted listening thing that you do.

    they stay awake so long that everybody feels like crying including themselves.

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