Bizzaro world!

Mike Tyson wants to join Westlife. The Baddest Man on the Planet (TM) is desperate to link up with the Wettest Fish in the Solar System (TM).

Tyson visited Ireland recently to catch up with his boxing friend Joe Egan and say ‘Happy Mothers Day’ to Egan’s mum. In fairness to the convicted rapist he did take some time out to mingle with locals in the family’s bar.

But, yes, the most puzzling thing is that the man who broke a thousand bones would like to croon with the housewife’s favourites.

Egan said: “He loves their music so much he wants to be part of it. He’s not a Pavarotti or Domingo – but neither are the members of Westlife.”

Oooh, strike one. No one suggests that Cian, Davy (um…), Pat and Peadar (ok, I’ve given up now) are particularly talented singers but that’s just insulting.

He continued: “Mike’s asked me to make contact with Louis Walsh to set the wheels in motion. He’d be happy just to sing on the chorus of a track, but he could always replace Brian McFadden.”

Well that’s fair enough I suppose.

For their part a Westlife spokesperson said: “This sounds really interesting. The band are all fans of Tyson.”

<9lives slips in to a dream sequence>

Tyson: Hello, I am Mike Tyson. Da Baddest Man on da Damn Planet, beeyatch!

Cian: Hello, I’m Cian. I’m kind of in charge I guess. This is Davy, Pat and Peadar. I think. I got to be honest the only one I really knew was Brian. But he left.

Tyson: So I’d like to sing “Could it be Magic” with you motherf******.

Peadar: Right, sure that’s a great idea. That was a big hit. Can you sing at all there Mikey?

Tyson: Yes, I once did a karaoke version of “You Can’t Touch This”. I even wore the baggy pants. I think they ended up on my head by the end of the night.

Pat and Davy in unison: Wow, we’re big fans of that song. You’re the greatest boxer and singer ever!

Tyson (looking perplexed): Um, are you guys ok?

Pat and Davy in unison: Yes, we’re more than ok. We’re boy band singers with as many consecutive top five hits as Elvis Presley.

Tyson (getting worried): Eh, this is getting weird. Joe?

Joe: Yeah, Mike?

Tyson: Where’s the fat one?

Joe: Which one is that?

Tyson: You know, the one who played the piano in “Everything Changes”. Went solo but was duller than a dimmed headlight at night in heavy fog.

Joe: You mean Gary Barlow. Ah, right. He’s in Take That.

Tyson (clicks fingers): Take That! F***, that’s them. Not these wusses. Fly me to London!
Sorry about that. I’m avoiding study.

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