I was excited after joining my new gymnasium (also known as ‘a gym’). The entrance lobby was bright, the staff chirpy (apart from Mark – he’s just one of those guys who seems to think smiling is a sign of weakness), the equipment plentiful and in working order.
But then I was introduced to a strange phenomenon; one that I was previously oblivious to but has now scarred me internally…as well as externally.
Well, no. Actually it’s just scarred me internally.
There I was, taking my post-workout shower in one of the very private cubicles; a little small but bigger than the average Dublin apartment bathroom. As the final drops of water drained from the shower head, I patted my body down with my very cheap and completely ineffective towel. The sign in the changing areas was deliberate and to the point – “Please dry off before entering the changing area”. Unsure of how they intended to police it, I decided to get dry to the max. This of course meant that I had to apply very strong scrubbing to the groin area.
After eleven minutes of that I wrapped my budget towel around my waist, ensuring that private areas were secured. I exited the cubicle, and strutted with dry confidence towards the changing area. As I passed a row of sinks on the right, I noticed an exposed male bottom. “That’s ok”, I thought. “Not everyone can get 100% dryness in those small cubicles. He must be just consolidating between the toes.”
I walked the ten feet to my locker (people accessing the lockers either side of me in the otherwise empty locker room – obviously), turned slowly towards the shower area and spied the same white arse. My eyes climbed to the man’s face to see if he was in some sort of trouble – perhaps a heart attack, a state of shock or he had become frozen in some sort of isolated ice age.
But, no. He was fine. In fact he was more than fine – he was naked shaving.
In one of the strangest displays of machismo/lack of awareness that I’ve seen, this man was shaving his face with nothing on. His towel sat crumpled beside the sink, presumably determined by him to be some sort of obstacle to the task at hand. For an undertaking that required his hands and face – the two parts of the human body usually exposed – this man chose to expose everything else.
I edged my way across the changing room until I stood directly in line with him. And with that simple navigation I had the answer.
It was massive.